I was born in 1950 in a Hospital in Southern Missouri, Springfield. I don't remember much of those days, only what I see when I look back at pictures taken when my Mother's
parents would come down from Seneca Iowa to visit. They must have come down fairly often, for there are many pictures from those times. I remember the clothes and hats.
Fun things. We must have made many a fashion statement. Mom was an avid seamstress even back then. I have always been jealous of her skills in that department. I never thought I could measure up to it, so only sewed for a little time when I was raising my girls.
She was a good cook too apparently, for I became a chubby child at about puberty time.
As I look back on that time, I realize I was a victim of circumstances and of poor self esteem as well. I wonder if I wasn't born with that insecurity? I never will know about that, but all of this remembering is helping me to learn to like me for the way I am, and to love me too. At last, I feel worthy of being loved and of loving myself.
Did not mean to go there. We moved back to Iowa in 1963. I was just going into Junior High School. I was excited to move to Iowa. There was really nothing I had in Missouri that was keeping me there. I was changing to a new school the next year anyway. I knew I would not miss my chore of carrying out the waste to the outside
toilet. Nor would I miss those Hornets that bombarded me every time I tried to do so.
The house in Iowa was much larger. We would each have our own room with a storage room upstairs too. The big plus was the indoor flush toilet! What a luxury that seemed at the time.
I was not full of regret to be moving to Iowa. I had a few friends I would miss, but not that many. One of my best ever friends moved just before I found out we were going, so I was Happy to leave. I would miss our Grandparents and my Aunt and Uncle and Cousins that still lived there, but we would also be back close to my other Grandparents, so that trade off was not too bad.
By this time, there were three of us children. My older brother Jim and my younger brother George. Jim is 2 years older than me and George is 3 years younger.
As I look back now, I was always a loner. I was always happier when I played with my doggies or kitties. They loved me unconditionally. My imagination was another of my best friends. When I was climbing that tree, or walking along that old broken down wall, I was in full control of things. It was the only time I felt really good.
There was no pressure to behave, no one to tell me what I did was wrong or right.
No peer pressures to deal with. No teachers or parents bossing me around. Do this,
don't do that, get over here and finish this...these chores need to be done now!
Stop that dreaming, it will not get you anywhere. Oh, if they had only let me believe in those Dreams. I understand now why they said those things. There was no time for lolly gagging or dreaming. Just work to be done. Day Dreaming was not productive.
I wonder if I had only talked to Mom about it, if she would have understood. I needed that time to be a Dreamer. I needed to feel good about things, even if they were only in my head.
I wonder now if she were Manic Depressive as well. I remember when I see pictures of her when she was young, she always seemed blue or sad. She looked like she was where she didn't want to be and doing things just because she had to fill the status quo.
How many folks get "stunted" in their abilities by being put into this rigid structure. I know that structure is important in Life. It is how things get done.
Routines show us that Life is normal. They help us to deal with many things for our working life. But, there are many other jobs that are important too that require a person to Dream. To reach, to accomplish. Where would we be without the Dreamers?
I think of Jim Henson often. He really had it figured out. Except that he gave up too much of himself. He couldn't stop to take care of himself. He didn't listen to his inner self and kept pushing. He left a wonderful legacy. We all owe him a lot.
But, wouldn't it be wonderful if he were still here?
I had some feelings not too long ago about my Life. It was a huge warning to me.
That made me sit up and take notice and finally listen to what my body was warning me about. I knew I had to stop what I was doing, the path I was on. I truly believe that had I not done so, I would have had a Heart attack or Stroke by now.
Anyway, I was going to tell more about my house in Iowa. I will have to continue with that at a later time. Now I have errands to run and lunch to have with my dear family.
Hugs to you all, and don't forget to hug yourself, it is perfectly ok, and even needed now and again. We need to be our own best friends. We need to treat ourselves as we treat others we love. We need to do so now!
Bye for now, Next time, more about my New Iowa Home!
*smooch* Katie
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